Freedom of singleness

Today I'm exercising my "rights" as a single person. I woke up around 9:30am to a quiet house, and then went back to sleep for another hour. I went for a run leisurely then browsed the free movies on netflix for about 10 minutes. I drank my coffee at noon and am still considering my next move. It's a Saturday without plans and since I'm single (no husband, kids or pets) - I can do whatever I want. It's quite a liberating feeling in this season of life.

While many might read the description of my day and think - she's got it made, I have other thoughts. I have to intentionally remind myself of the joys of singleness. The freedoms it provides and opportunities it gives for spontaneity and acting carefree are here right now, in this moment. I need to embrace them and enjoy them. Soak them in. Today was one of those days it was easy to embrace my life stage. I'm grateful for that.

It's funny how I long for a season of life where I am forced to concede and share my days with others, as a wife and mother. Those roles are desires of my heart and yet it's giving up a lot! I am in a great season - one that teenagers crave when they have curfews and rules. But now that I've been at it for 10 years I vacillate between perfecting it and longing for it to end.

 So while I lean into my current life stage as a single woman, I pray I would soak in the quiet moments alone, the spontaneous moments with friends, the flexibility of plans and the ability to say yes or no without having to check with someone. I pray those future roles of wife and mother are one day mine, but until then - I will try to heed the words of Paul to the Corinthians

I want you to be free from the concerns of this life - an unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities. His interests are divided. In the same way an unmarried woman can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and spirit...I am saying this to you for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best with as few distractions as possible. - 1 Cor. 7:32-35

Waiting

So a friend posted this great blog on waiting on Facebook and I thought it was fitting to post here and add my 2 cents :) Check it out: http://gracefortheroad.com/2012/02/03/idontwait/ 

http://gracefortheroad.com/2012/02/03/idontwait/

Waiting is a tricky thing because usually we don't know exactly how long the waiting is taking. Sometimes even when we do, we have the same emotions as when we don't (i.e. frustration when waiting for the bathroom or the next life stage to begin).

God created waiting - from the time a morning dew falls to the time the sun is up or the 9 months of pregnancy before becoming a mother - God has designed waiting into our lives. God has us in waiting for the return of Christ.

To wait well is tough. I know - many of my friends are married and/or having children while I'm still single. This has been one of the most profound waiting experiences of my life. And I'm still in it. And I don't know when it ends.

However, the perspective offered in the blog posted above points out how present-oriented our God is and how we can live fully engaged in His story even in the waiting. It has been my experience that we are quick to put God into a Genie role when that's not what He wants or tells us.

God wants all of us, in this moment and the waiting usually serves a purpose that we don't fully grasp until the waiting is over.

Even recently when my church announced its new senior pastor, we unanimously voted and took joy in the announcement because of how well it seems to fit. But we waited over 3 years for this to happen! And with the name and story of the pastor before us, we are excited and feel good about the season of waiting. The search committee shared story after story of the activity during the "waiting" and how God's hand was upon them.

I appreciate the blog - I don't wait anymore because it puts our focus back on what it should - God's desire for us to be wholly His and live our lives as created beings in His image. We are to be like clay in the potter's hand that may need refined in the fire but then turns into a beautiful and useful piece of pottery.

This song kept repeating in my head as I wrote this so here's how I'm ending this thought process:

Wine, Resumes, Margins and Metahpors - Oh My.

Do you ever stop to think about what you want to be like? Stop to mediate on what God has uniquely gifted you with? I hope so. When I do, I usually reflect and see things in my life that don't reinforce the "me I want to be" (thanks John Ortberg) Recently the word margin has been ringing in my ears as I scramble to increase my productivity in work and life. I need more margin but I also want to make good use of the life space I have.

I edit resumes all the time. I mean all the time! And I've come to have my preferences when it comes to formatting - .7 margins, 11pt font, no extra spaces after paragraphs, the black circle bullets, etc. These preferences have purpose - increase readability, attractiveness, inviting, clean and concise. In my conversations with students I find I have to help them reword, prioritize, and eliminate excess, unrelated or superfluous words.

Right now I need a life resume review :) I was told many years ago to "work smarter not harder" and have tried to hold to that ideal and create healthy work boundaries. So far, I think I've done this rather well. I have consistently maintained a social life while adjusting to my work life after college. I've even found myself helping others face this reality. I've made hard choices in how I spend my time. I've done it.

The thing I notice now is - while I have done it, it doesn't just stay done. I have to stay on guard by sneaky margins and misplaced punctuations.

Tonight I attended a talk from author Doc Hendley who is founder of Wine to Water, a nonprofit that provides clean drinking water to people all over the world. Tonight he spoke primarily to college freshmen who read his book as the summer read. It was a fun environment full of earnest and hope. The students had good questions and were engaged in what he had to say. He was clear that he's just a normal guy who chose to try something and it turned into this nonprofit that has helped thousands of people and perhaps even saved their lives. His passion is obvious and each time he quotes a statistic on access to clean water or the realities of not having it, I get choked up and have to bite my lower lip to keep from confusing all those around me who aren't getting emotional. Something just resonates within me and I know the Holy Spirit is doing something. I have wanted to go to Africa for a while and in the past year God has brought me more and more opportunities to explore others stories, learn more history, see films and read books regarding Africa. I even know some people who live there. When Doc spoke about his time in Darfur and Uganda, he had a few slides of photos. Each one I saw my stomach clenched and I just kept thinking - I need to go and see it. I just do.

Right now I am in the in-between of 1. knowing I need more margin to give the Holy Spirit more room to move and 2. living in overdrive pursuing things that are important, but maybe not MOST important. Steven Covey always talked about "keeping first things first" and it's so much easier to say than to do. As soon as I want a break from being intentional, my priorities get skewed and my life gets rearranged into something not worth writing about. I want to go to Africa before I'm 30 (or at least have the money and the date arranged by then). I want to do it now because I think it's somehow part of my story. I've LOVED the travel God has brought to my life and every time I go someplace new I'm changed a little. I need more margin to allow room fro God to change me more into the "way I was made" (thanks Chris Tomlin).

Until next time. Oh and you can bet I'll be buying some wine from Wine to Water soon :)

Spring - hope floating up

Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad but it's the middle that counts most.
 ~ Hope Floats (1998)

Spring is full of endings and beginnings and I feel like I'm surrounded by them. May is one of the fastest moving months in the year, every year. No matter what season of life I've been in, May has been busy.

In the last few weeks I've celebrated alongside people who were graduating both high school and college, getting engaged, announcing pregnancy, and having babies. Last year at this time I was celebrating my dad's retirement and I know many people who have anniversaries in May. This is also the time when many people in their 20s assess where they will live the following year. Those who just graduated from UNCG are in the middle of that transition right now. I've seen quite a few of them in my office. Those in high school are anxiously awaiting summer break and the freedom of school being out.

Despite the festive nature of spring time, I've also been on the side that is
being left
             left out
                       neglected
while everyone else is celebrating. It can feel isolating to be the one not moving on. I'll be honest, when every weekend is booked with a baby shower, wedding or graduation party I can get in my head about playing the supporting role in my own life. God and I have rather intense dialogues regarding timing and waiting (topics that any type-A personality has trouble with) in the spring.

When will it be my turn for this or that? 

Why hasn't A or B happened for me? 

Did you forget? 

Do I matter? 

*I realize how self-focused these questions are and the funny thing is - the joy I have for all the people in my life who are celebrate doesn't diminish because I feel left out. The two feelings can co-exist which is weird.*

I call this train of thought the "shadow side" of all the good events mentioned previously. And I can't help but be reminded of Jonah (thanks God for the gentle nudge toward your Word). God brought Jonah through a lot, most famously in and out of a big fish :) but at the end of the book of Jonah God has a final illustration to teach about God's nature. He sends a tree to provide shade one day and the next - the tree dies. Jonah basks in the shade one minute and is wishing he'd die the next when he's suffering in the hot sun. God blesses and takes away. His glory is the bottom line.

We can wrestle like Jacob with the seemingly unfair life circumstances we're dealt. He can withstand our frustrations. He's also got a WAY bigger perspective on our situations than we do. And self-pity does nothing but delay God's work. I pray to learn from Jonah's stubbornness at learning God's ways. I pray I could be more pliable and willing to be molded into a willing vessel. And for all those going through joyful or isolating circumstances, I pray you would grow in gratefulness and acceptance of God's good work in our world.

Lent - Sacrafice - Calling - Captain Planet :)

This Lenten season I've been following the World Vision ACT:S Relentless Acts of Sacrifice series that has emailed me weekly challenges that help me to consider sacrifice and incorporate it in different ways into my life. It's been overwhelming and awesome. I've participated peripherally and have saved everything so that I can continue to consider all the components they've compiled. It's great stuff.
One thing I watched tonight was a video on this week's theme: Sacrifice What Calls You. As a career counselor and someone intensely interested in our calling as Christians, I watched :) I want to share it with you because it's one man's story but he has some awesome points to ponder. And he uses great metaphors :) Here's one.

"I was disapointed by my calling and the perfect metaphor was Monty from Captain Planet."

It's a Vimeo and you can watch it here




And for an overview of this week's challenge (and some great comments by activists on calling) see this one

I want to be more like these people and look for ways to use my gifts, job, life, choices to pursue justice for our world in light of Jesus' love and sacrifice.

Embracing the silence

Silence is uncomfortable for most people. It used to be really uncomfortable for me, but counseling school change that some. However, while I am happy to use silence in groups and when it's helping others, I don't find myself giving into the silence when it's just me and my soul. Recently I was told a great metaphor as someone described silence as "creating margins" in your life. I edit a LOT of resumes so the margins idea resonated with me.

Margins in a book give the book space. If you're like me, sometimes you have a revelation and want to write it in your book or underline with arrows to the thought you had while reading. The margins become important parts of my memory of that book. It's like the opposite of "edge to edge toppings" on a pizza. Americans live like Donatos Pizza (which is delicious, and off limits to me until Easter).

We fill all the spaces in our lives with toppings - ipods, cell phones, superficial conversations about the weather, coping mechanisms, movies, and TV (or in my case, Hulu). Parker Palmer puts it well: “I had simply found a “noble” way to live a life that was not my own, a life spent imitating heroes instead of listening to my heart.”

I want more margins in my life to listen more to my heart, life and the Holy Spirit God has given me. I want to trust the silence and see what happens.

In the theme of silence, I was stopped by the lyrics of this song recently and will leave you with it today.

I'm turning the world off

Embracing the silence

Walking away from all the voices

That are screaming in my ear

I've been too caught up

I've been so stresses out

And all of the noise replaced the whisper

That used to be so clear

Waiting on the Lord

"If I am to wait on the Lord, I want to be the Lord's while I wait."

I heard this awesome summary of Isaiah 40:28-31today and had to share it. We had a congregational meeting with my church this morning to hear updates on our search for a new senior pastor. The search has been going on for a long time and we as a church have learned to wait actively. I can do this more easily as part of my church family, but have more difficulty applying it to the things in my life.
I've seen my impatience rear its ugly head in a few different facets of my life. Patience is truly a spiritual gift and not something I can just drum up in my own strength.

• I've been impatient in my career goals, wanting to do everything now.
• I've been impatient in my personal life with friends who are in different life stages and feeling alienated by them.
• I've been impatient in my walk with God and reconciling that I'm 28 and didn't picture myself still single and living with roommates. 
• I've been impatient in the places I serve and wanting to start too many things that we can't finish. 

Now with each of these things, particularly in the last 48 hours, I've begun to notice that God has not let them go unnoticed. He still has my back and continues to encourage me in unexpected ways. He is still sovereign and has good plans for me, and for you.