Spring - hope floating up

Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad but it's the middle that counts most.
 ~ Hope Floats (1998)

Spring is full of endings and beginnings and I feel like I'm surrounded by them. May is one of the fastest moving months in the year, every year. No matter what season of life I've been in, May has been busy.

In the last few weeks I've celebrated alongside people who were graduating both high school and college, getting engaged, announcing pregnancy, and having babies. Last year at this time I was celebrating my dad's retirement and I know many people who have anniversaries in May. This is also the time when many people in their 20s assess where they will live the following year. Those who just graduated from UNCG are in the middle of that transition right now. I've seen quite a few of them in my office. Those in high school are anxiously awaiting summer break and the freedom of school being out.

Despite the festive nature of spring time, I've also been on the side that is
being left
             left out
                       neglected
while everyone else is celebrating. It can feel isolating to be the one not moving on. I'll be honest, when every weekend is booked with a baby shower, wedding or graduation party I can get in my head about playing the supporting role in my own life. God and I have rather intense dialogues regarding timing and waiting (topics that any type-A personality has trouble with) in the spring.

When will it be my turn for this or that? 

Why hasn't A or B happened for me? 

Did you forget? 

Do I matter? 

*I realize how self-focused these questions are and the funny thing is - the joy I have for all the people in my life who are celebrate doesn't diminish because I feel left out. The two feelings can co-exist which is weird.*

I call this train of thought the "shadow side" of all the good events mentioned previously. And I can't help but be reminded of Jonah (thanks God for the gentle nudge toward your Word). God brought Jonah through a lot, most famously in and out of a big fish :) but at the end of the book of Jonah God has a final illustration to teach about God's nature. He sends a tree to provide shade one day and the next - the tree dies. Jonah basks in the shade one minute and is wishing he'd die the next when he's suffering in the hot sun. God blesses and takes away. His glory is the bottom line.

We can wrestle like Jacob with the seemingly unfair life circumstances we're dealt. He can withstand our frustrations. He's also got a WAY bigger perspective on our situations than we do. And self-pity does nothing but delay God's work. I pray to learn from Jonah's stubbornness at learning God's ways. I pray I could be more pliable and willing to be molded into a willing vessel. And for all those going through joyful or isolating circumstances, I pray you would grow in gratefulness and acceptance of God's good work in our world.